Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes

thank you for my toes. thank you for my heels. thank you for my feet. thank you for my ankles. thank you for my shins. thank you for my calves...

someone once said that if the only prayer you ever say is "thank you" that it would be enough. i am finding that gratitude is the greatest multi-purpose life-changer that there is. gratitude reminds me of where the love comes from that motivates my actions. gratitude can take me from being a weepy basketcase to being an empowered woman in action. now, granted, sometimes the action is simplt that i am not wallowing in self-pity, i wash my face and go to bed...but sometimes going to bed is the next right indicated action.

i am thankful for the coaching that i had today and superthankful for having a loving, competent guide to the ropes of verdi's opera. i am behind where i need to be in putting this role together and my first rehearsal is on sunday afternoon. my life got scary and dramatic and i let this foreign object growing unbidden in my breast to take priority over the music. fear got the better of me and took me to apathy and inaction. i tried to forget that life is in session and i really need to show up. i am hoping to prepare enough to get by, but i want this to be the last time that i feel truly unprepared because of my own inaction. i want to be the best that i can be and to show up prepared to GiVe. i want to make life easier for others in the rehearsal. i want people to feel they can trust me. i want to trust me. i want to show up without doubts as to my ability to sing the role properly. i want to show up knowing that i won't let the director down. i want to show up with joy in my heart. i am grateful that i have the ability to make this happen. i have a lot of work to do tomorrow before i go to my job. i will write a list on paper and do that.

tonight after i worked out my legs (the legs i am grateful for, the legs that work) i had a sit down with a man who is going to help me learn how to achieve my fitness goals. another person to be grateful for. he didn't laugh at my goals and didn't disparage me because of the state of my body. he went to solution and started making a plan for me. we are starting at the very beginning, a very good place to start. for the first few months i will be "bulking" my muscles...or rather coaxing muscles that are hibernating to come out and show themselves. they are there, but they have been dormant. it's much like finding my voice in this role. while i'm learning it the voice tends to hide and then comes out when the notes and the words are in my body and it's time to fine-tune the voice. right now we will be cultivating the presence of my muscles. i will have to consume more calories and work twice as hard and i am ready to do it. part of me quails at asking my body to come through for me, but i am confident that if i give it the right fuel and the right attitude that it will show up as well.

thank you for my breath. thank you for my soul. thank you for who i am because who i am is wonderful. thank you.